Daer Vince 3: The Judgement Day - Summerslam Edition

[Stone Cold's Beer Gut]

First I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who fed back to me on the first two editions of Dear Vince. Reading back over the columns, I think they needed some tweaking and maybe some cutting down on the ol' f-bombs! Anyway thanks to all who commented and I'll take it all on board to improve my own product. It will be evolution rather than revolution though. I am also going to introduce a little innovation I thought would be cool for all on LOP at the end of the article.

So I just wanted to shake things up a little and look ahead to Judgement Day a look back at Backlash and review the week that's been.

I just got my finisher reversed and my body damage is almost completely red, it's time to bash 'A' and hope for the best!

Dear Vince,

Hey, how's it going? Where you been pal? What's that you say? On a coke filled, sex binge with Nicole Bass, Chyna and Awesome Kong? Sweeeeeet. Listen man, a bit like Zach Gowen, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I was mean to you. Really mean. I'm sorry. It's not that I don't like you...it's just, well, you frustrate me. You frustrate me cause I keep awarding you C minuses in your end of term reports and I want to give you straight A's. I wanna go straight to the A with you Vince, but for some reason or another, you keep clenching that butt.



"Just be tender, move in an anti-clockwise motion and use the tip of the tongue"

You have however started to get some things right. Yeah, you. Let's look at the positives.

You know what? I liked Backlash. I did. I thought it was actually pretty solid. It felt for some reason like you are finally seeing that WWE needs to move forward and from the send off the Haitch (HHH, Conan Burier of Midcard, Quadtearasaurus Rex,,,) got, it seems like the fans feel it even more so. When it ended and the little WWE logo came up, I felt satisfied, I felt progress, it felt like the start of a new season.

Christian and Jewish vs Jack Thwagger was a good opener and actually, it feels like Cage is progressing at the right pace for me. He is certainly worthy of being the brand carrier for ECDub and is getting more over each week. Just give him more mic time, let him be his own man, and Vince, we might be onto something here. Swagger (Angle Lite, Brock Le'th'nar 2.0) still looks strong and will no doubt regain the belt. But the little tete-a-tete with Edge that Christian had post match, showed that a) maybe you're getting behind this guy and b) maybe Edge is gonna be turning face soon....hmmm, interesting Vinny.



"Tag me, Christian, make the hot tag...c'mon!!"

Oliver Hardy vs Jeff "EMMOOOOOO" Hardy was...er, crap to be honest. Boring, unimaginative and it just never really clicked chemistry-wise. The ending was weak. I do think the whole thing was mostly poor due to the PG-13 rating, but still, it wasn't good. Time for the feud to end now methinks Vincent.



"That's another fine mess you've got me into Jeff...time to do my second rope EXTREEEMMMEE leg drop for some instant heat!! Go go Hardy legs!!"


"I'm an Extreme Enigma"

HA ha ahahah heh he...Emo's...fuck's wrong with them?!

Cm Spunky vs Glen Jacobs was...well, you know what they call filler in France?? Me neither, but that's what this was. Not sure why you put over Glen, but he probably deserves it. Please just turn Punk heel though.



"I'm Mr Money in The Bank!! I drink Pepsi. That's my gimmick. Oh wait wait, I'm straight edge too! Oh and I can cross my arms like in an X and stuff...I...yeah pretty much its just the Pepsi."

Six Man Tag was a bit strangely booked. For instance, why did Fred Orton disappear for the first half (guess because he has a slight injury??), why did the bell ring after the RKO pin attempt? etc etc. But all in all, I enjoyed the affair. Dave "The Juice" Batista looks stiff as fuck on his leg though, Cody looks like a little Chicken Fart still - him and Matt need to hit the gym and Dibiase looks like an Orton waiting to happen. Fred vs Ted will be a PPV main event in the next two years, no two ways about it.



"Ohhh Cody, that stinks man, go have a shit for fucks sake..Ted, grab the freshener, this one's gonna linger"


Finally, Rated R vs Vanilla Icena exceeded all my expectations. Well done for booking that Vince. Great chemistry, great crowd interaction, great finish. Really good my man. Props go out to Cena too for turning the live crowd around through his sheer effort in the match. He gained a lot of my respect for that. But still wanna see him turn heel. No matter what you say about the guy, he is a draw and he's entertaining to watch.

So that brings us to the next PPV, my little, coiffured billionaire. Where do we go from here on in huh? Judgement Day is very apt, cause Raw was another step in the right direction and I'm now intrigued as to where you are taking things.

Seems like you are pushing MVP. Good call. He has all the tools to make it. Do I think he's going to be the next Rock? Nope. In my honest opinion, I don't think we will ever see another Austin or Rock and definitely not Hogan. But that's because things have moved on. Wrestling is not and may never be as big as it once was. The pops those guys used to get were crazy and I don't know if it can ever be replicated. But the new breed of Superstar is there to shake things up and I reckon you're just seeing what sticks, right? So to me, sounds like you're pushing the following guys: John Morrison, MVP, CM Punk, The Miz and Maven..(huh? You sacked Maven? No way?! YOU IDIOT!! Future Main event FTW!!!)



"I sell stuff. Life's awesome.....please kill me."

I'm good with that Mcmahon. Good choices. HBK vs Morrison is a feud that I would build, I like Miz vs Cena actually and MVP in Legacy's grill suits me just fine. CM Punk (heel) vs Edge (face) is where I reckon we are heading right? Another good choice.

So what you got planned for Judgement Day? Let's look at the line up I think you got in mind.



Orton vs Batista (WWE Championship) - (meh...not much interest in this one. I am thinking there will be a HHH interference leading to a 3 way Evolution feud maybe leading up to Summerslam. Where does Shane fit into all this? Special Guest Ref and a heel turn? Hmmm tough one to call.)


Hardy vs Jericho vs Edge vs Punk (Either this or Triple threat minus Punk who cashes in and turns heel with a subsequent Edge face turn.)


Cena vs Big Show - (I can see Big Show destroying Cena, so Cena can take some time off due to 'injuries')






"Weellll, Wellll it's the Biiiigggg Sllooooww"


MVP vs Matt Hardy - (where else can we put these guys on the card? Old feud renewed, kinda makes sense to me, maybe MVP will feud with Legacy in some fashion though. Hard to say. This could be quite a good little feud just for a PPV and a few Raw's. Interesting role reversal.)

Rest of the card is up in air to me. But I think now is the time to absolutely put time into your mid-card, give them airtime, give them space on the PPV's and get behind their pushes. Judgement Day should be the building block for Summerslam, and Summerslam should make up for WM25.

Like Miz said, we ARE sick of seeing the same guys in the main event. You're on the right path Vince, keep to it and let's be friends.



But er...just while I got you here..The Santina/Khali segment on Backlash was 7 minutes of my life I can never get back. EVER. It was an abomination. Even the Hulk couldn't fight this one. It was just cringeworthy. Please don't waste my PPV time with that shit again.

And also, please get Steph to pose for WWE magazine or Playboy. C'mon, throw us a bone here. I've waited years for that shit and whadya give me?? Fucking Chyna!! CHYNA!!! That's a guy Vince. Why do I wanna see a naked guy with his dick out in front of me??!! OK, breathe, breathe...count to ten...aaaaannnd I'm calm. Phew. (dusts shirt off, readjusts tie and we're back.)






"I'm Chyna and I'm all man...WOMAN...all woman..cough cough..ah shit, my balls just dropped."

So looking ahead, what are the logical next steps for you Vince? You don't want my opinion, I know that, but I'm going to give it to you regardless. You need to start developing some fresh feuds. Do you know what? I love to look at pictures of your daughter. But also, I would love to see a match, on PPV, that I've never seen before. Someone like Cena Vs the Miz, with a really intense buildup. I don't even like the Miz, but at least it's different and unexpected. It's fresher than Maryse's panties. You just gotta give the ball to guys sometimes and see where they go with it. I'd love to see Morrison vs HBK lead into Summerslam. Good meeting of styles, a passing of the torch in some ways, a good rub (if you'll excuse the expression) if nothing else for Morrison.

How about Jeff Hardy vs a heel CM Punk? Good meshing of styles, not been done before. Taker vs Jericho? And so on. There are a nuimber of exciting directions you could go in that don't involve HHH vs Cena or Batista or Orton. though I stand by my opinion that WM26 will be HHH vs Cena..again.

I really believe ratings would increase if you gave us something we've not seen before. The last 2 years have been like hitting the rewind button again and again. Lets move on and make Summerlsam something special.

While I'm not going to write up a whole fantasy card for Summerslam, here are a few main event/feud ideas you can consider my little dimple chinned swine flu carrier.

Jericho vs Undertaker

Morrison vs HBK

The Miz vs John Cena

CM Punk vs Edge

CM Punk vs Jeff Hardy (heel vs face respectively)

MVP vs Kennedy (returns as a heel)

Ted Dibiase vs Batista

You got some up and comers like Ziggler, you still got Benjamin and Christian, so there's a multitude of fresh feuds to book and make draw. These are the guys you need to create characters for, just like you did in the old days and lets see who take off.

I think it's an exiting time right now for WWE to really start to shake things up. By next Wrestlemania, we need to see new people taking up the spotlight, and I think this week, Vince, you've proved you're willing to start taking those steps. This week, I won't tell you Linda looks like Ric Flair.

Sincerely yours, your new friend,

Stone Cold's Beer Gut

Now, onto other matters.

I thought it may be a pretty fun idea to chuck in a weekly caption competition at the end of every column of Dear Vince (or Dear Cena, or Dear HHH etc). Rules are very simple. Each week I'll post a WWE related picture and you guys email me in your caption ideas. The funniest one will win...well nothing but pride, but it could be a laugh seeing what we can come up with. So, without further ado, may I present the debut of "Captions Caveman"

Our very first caption is...dur dur daaaaa.....drum roll please....





Send your captions to sonoftherock2008@hotmail.com. I'll reveal the winner next week.

Short but sweet this week. There's a lot I want to write on and I think toning down Dear Vince will help me write on subjects that are, well, 'dear' to me. On top of reviews, predicitions, critiques, there are certain topics I am itching to delve in to, so I look forward to evolving the column and with your help and feedback, making it better as we go on. Thanks for all the feedback so far, please do keep it coming. I certainly need to throw my hat in on a few columns I've read, Mazza, NightRising, Cicero, Hustle, Captain Awesome, Johnny Boomerang etc. to name a few.






Until next time, I'll be with Steph.



SCB

[Haven]

I didn't like this 1 as much as the last 1. It had too many nicknames... 1 or 2 okay but it seemed like you were calling everybody you talked about by a nickname it got confusing & annoying the more it went on. Also, so many pictures that were suppose to be funny but just seemed kind of pointless. At the end I realized that I didn't really get much of anything out of it.

But I did enjoy the last 1 you wrote & I'm looking forward to the next 1...

[BeyondKnight]

Gutty,

Here is the thing about a "writing gimmick".. if you take the gimmick too far and it begins to eclipse your writing then it becomes pointless and drags everything down.

This column is like some of the worst net meme's shoved into a blender. There was no cohesiveness between joke to joke, and nothing that was exceptionally original either. I know that Family Guy has warped us to the point where any random insertion can be deemed a joke and funny, but it just isn't the case.

I think that you next time you really need to work on the content of your column than trying to make it random and funny. You narrative voice is coming along, but I still think it could use work and a little more focus.

I'll check ya out next time.

~BK

[Jason Boy]

I completely disagree with Haven as this was better than your last, keep it up and I will read your future realese

[JoeyShinobi]

Listen to BK, he knows all about taking a writing gimmick too far.

This seemed a little...I dunno, scattered? There were some funny bits, but it mostly seemed to be a collection of ideas just meshed together, idle thoughts. You mentioned all these little feuds without actually saying why they should happen in any great detail. You want Punk to turn heel? Why is that? What do WWE have to gain from turning Edge face?

So yeah, lots of good ideas, it just needs a little organising and development. Oh...and dark blue on black is impossible to read.

[L-Man]

This was good everybody said the naegatives so i'll say the positives,

I enjoyed this roller coaster ride it went all over the place but when I got off the roller coaster i felt better then worse.

This also made me laugh which i enjoy doing when readin a column

Read ya next time

[Fatalhitx]

Wow, the feedback here is mainly like your column: scattered and somewhat incoherent. Like others have said, albeit in a less grammatically correct way, your nickname gimmick got old fast. As in, your first time with Megan Fox fast. The pictures also got annoying, and I didn't really get anything worthwhile out of your column.

But, the seeds are there. If you can tone down the bad, and bring up the good, then you'll be a fine addition to the CF in almost no time. It just takes work.