"Quote Me Happy" #1. The Column Debut from Paul

[Freeman]

"You can call me Susan if it makes you happy..."

Yes yes yes ladies and gentleman. My name is Paul, in the words of Obie Trice "real name no gimmicks". Welcome one and all to my column debut. I've been meaning to get into this column shizzle for quite some time now, and I'm pleased that I'm finally getting round to doing it. I've noticed that this is a pretty saturated area, but fuck it I thought I'd add my two pence to the whole shebang. I only intend this to be a bit of fun at first, but you never know what the future may hold.

Well I guess you lot can call me the new kid on the block. Even though I've been a regular on this site for the past two and a half years, I've only just signed up to the forums section. I know, terrible aren't I? However, better late then never, Trevor. Hmm I'm a poet and I didn't know it. Anyways this column is an insight into my thoughts on the world of professional wrestling and life in general, and with each one I'll be picking a theme where I can use quotes to introduce the different topics. This week, my theme is a film I saw for the first time only yesterday, "Snatch", which I'm sure you'll agree contains some most excellent quotes, and is directed by none other than Mr Madonna himself, Guy Ritchie. So without further ado:

"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity..."

No. No. No. No. For chris sake not a John Morrison face turn, particularly not as I've been enjoying his heel work so much recently, and particularly when I look at all the other botched turns recently. For example Matt Hardy, although in fairness this guy is so boring that he could turn gay and I wouldn't really care. I'm still not convinced about MVP the face either, as he was another one who's heel work I enjoyed too much to want to turn face. Mr Kennedy is another example of a recent failed face turn, although he spends more time on the treatment table than in the ring, so I guess an assesment of his turn would be a little unfair. I've never really been one for change anyway, so I suppose I could be bitching about nothing here, but I do believe that Morrison's turn has come too early. I think he was just on the verge of really catching fire with the whole cocky, arrogant heel thing to change his standing within the fans. If you believe the reports though, this is down to the Smackdown roster lacking somewhat in the face department, with The Undertaker looking like taking more time off. I'm not sure I quite believe that, as the blue brand has three of the most over guys in the whole company in CM Punk, Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio. I suppose things could be worse though, because again if you believe what you read, then WWE is thinking about the possiblilty of moving either Batista, Matt Hardy or Big Show over to Smackdown. Urgh. Just no. I can't stand Batista as it is, and Big Show and Matt Hardy are so dull that I'd rather cut my ass and sit in vinegar, then have to watch those two as faces. At least they aren't self harmingly boring as heels. Speaking of Matt Hardy...

"Now, I know he looks like a fat fucker... well, he is a fat fucker..."

Call me blind, but I've only just realised that Matt Hardy has become a bit of a chunky monkey lately. It only occured the other night whilst watching RAW when I almost threw up after seeing his man boobs. How is it even possible for a proffesional athlete who works out and performs at a highly physical level on a weekly basis to look so bloated and out of shape? Seriously Matt, hit the gym fat ass, you need to lose a few pounds. Not that it would make me care anymore about you.

"I'm gonna find him, and you're gonna help me find him"

Bloody Hell, William Regal's still alive. Surely I can't be the only one who noticed that he's been off TV since before Wrestlemania? I'm a big time Regal mark, what with him being my fellow countryman and all so I just can't understand where the hell he's been lately. I would've thought he was worth at least an appearance on Heat, er, I mean Superstars. Things are looking up for him though, as a programme with MVP is looking likely at the moment. I can't think of anyone better than Regal to cement Mr Porter's new face status, so a very smart move from the WWE.

"In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... Come again?"

Yes come again? Stop press here peeps, I've just read on this very website that Mr Kennedy just made his in ring return at an FCW taping. I am a bit of a Kennedy mark, although I do accept he is very over-rated. Unfortunately and its not his fault, I've just about given up all hope of him being anything more then a glorified mid-carder, as he simply cannot be trusted to remain injury free. If you were that way inclined, you'd have to say that the guy is cursed. Every time he seems to be on the verge of really catching fire, an injury strikes him down and derails his push. I really hope this is the last of his injury troubles, and that when he returns he can at least manage to see out the year, though I'm not holding my breath. I wouldn't wish his luck on anyone, well maybe Matt Hardy. Or Batista. Oh well.

"You're on thin fucking ice my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks."

Yes RAW, you are on thin ice. The flagship show of WWE has become such a bore since the draft. I have to say that at the moment I'm only watching out of habit then anything else, and apart from Randy Orton, the show doesn't have anything about it to keep me watching. I'm pleased that it looks like Shane will be off TV for a little while, as I'm sure I'm not the only one who's sick of the way he's being booked lately. A non wrestling guy dominating a three on one handicap match for long parts of said match, against three actual wrestling guys, with one of them being the WWE champion nontheless. I haven't seen that kind of booking since, well, Triple H vs Legacy. I really wish they would stop making these guys look like absolute douchebags every week, then maybe I'd find it a little more interesting. Its a shame, because pre Wrestlemania I thought RAW was excellent, almost unmissable. This is a stark contrast to the sheer enjoyment I've been getting from the other two brands, ECW and Smackdown. The actual wrestling content of these shows has been superb over the last couple of weeks, and RAW's got a bit of catching up to do before I find it watchable again. I'm its just a blip, however I wouldn't be complaining if Smackdown and ECW keep up their standards of TV in the future.

"Did you understand a single word of what he just said?"

Well you probably didn't, but thanks for reading anyway. Sorry if this column seems a bit random, but thats just the way my mind works, jumping from one topic to the other without staying focused on one topic for any length of time. And if you need any further proof of my mind's scattiness, just re-read that last sentence. Haha. As I've already said, I've been meaning to get into this column writing biz for a while now, and I'm chuffed that I've finally done it. I like writing and I like wrestling, so writing about wrestling seems like a natural thing. I guess you could say there goes my column virginity, and like losing your real virginity, its best to do it one time then never do it at all. Any comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated, but please go easy on me dudes, I'm only a noob. Who knows? Maybe this could become a regular thing for me. I've certainly enjoyed this enough, and I've already got a few topics swimming round in my head for the next one, so I'm sure this won't be the last you hear of me. Until next time, I'm out. Thanks for reading and just remember:

"Nemesis means a righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me."

Peace out.

[Mister E]

Haha this was hilarious! You've got a talent for comedy writing I think! You made some good points too. I totally agree with Raw being a little dull lately and don't even get me started on Shane.

I guess the topics were a bit random but starting off I think its no harm to just get your thoughts down on paper in whatever way you think is best. As time goes on you'll develop a style. The film quotes idea was quite original. Anyway I hope you decide to write a few more columns, this is one i'll look for again. Read ya nxt time, Eoghan

[Martin Riggs]

Well hello there. I'll be honest, the Snatch quotes caught my eye. If only for the self importance i felt that i knew which film it was. Then you went and told people, gee thanks.

So welcome to my-oops, our- section of the www, glad you brought your 2cents! Now, i liked this. I liked it quite a lot actually. However, you made a few remarks and then left. How gutted do i feel? I don't read newspaper headlines then throw away the paper, i like to read the meat and bones of the article as well. So what i would suggest (and take it or leave it) is that you reduce the number of topics and increase the detail about each. Like, say, choose three and talk about what could happen, maybe discuss what has happened, what you want to happen, what is happening at the moment, do you like it, is it working, would they be better teaming with someone/feuding with someone, are they ever likely to get over/turn heel/turn face/turn stomachs?

You SEE?? there are plenty of issues to discuss, and as lovely as this is (and it is a lovely tan) - Lock Stock, i would like to really hear what you have to say.

Still, for a first time, it was a little bit of alright. Your spelling and grammar was, for the most part, fine. I say for the most part because i don't remember whether it was, which leads me to believe it was ok. If it wasn't surely it would've stuck out in my mind. I'm a stickler like that.

Right, cheerio and toodlepip and all that, get out there and give some feedback and i'll see you next time round!

[manuellh]

hey you:
first i love Snatch jaja now i really enjoyed reading this stuff. I'm also beggining here in the forums and i think that we are going to love being here for a while. By the way you have a good format i think thats one of the most difficult things to create but i aggre with JohnnyBoomerang maybe a little more information would be nice because you have good opinions.
catch you next time

[NightofDay]

Not too shabby debut here freeman. I'm a bit late on giving you the whole "Welcome to the CF" lecture as J-Boom's already covered that, as well as the improvements section as well. Other than that, not a bad debut.

[Swanton Bomb]

This was a fantastic debut! A few minor problems with spelling (i.e. better than, not better then), but apart from that I have no complaints.

This is also an official request - please use a Monty Python film next time!

[MyLeeCyrus]

I really liked this, although I agree with Johnny over there that you could develop your points more, I love the premise of working from quotes to illustrate the key issue of each argument. Good gimmick, well written, diamond debut!

[Stryder]

Good shit, I can honestly say I’ve seen Snatch around 20 times if not more and the quotes you used were a good way to introduce each section of the column. The obvious points have been made about a central topic grammar/spelling etc so ill just leave some general feedback on your opinions.

I’m not sold on the John Morrison face turn either but I am getting there, he seems to have the moveset of a face, and I feel that if built up correctly as a face a heel turn in a few years could catapult him into the main event scene. Oh and that split-legged corkscrew is nice looking, its no Evan Bourne SSP but still. Raw is kinda meh at the moment for me, and they do indeed need to step it up as Smackdown has put out a great show the past two weeks.

In closing, I also hate Batista….. Maybe it’s a British thing.

[Freeman]

Wow thanks for the feedback everyone. You've all made some excellent points, and I will certainly be taking everything on board.

Eoghan: Glad you found it hilarious! I'll definately be back again, as soon as this weekend hopefully.
Boomer: Thanks for the introduction, your feedback has been very helpful man.Thanks for the Lock Stock idea by the way and I will use it in the future, don't want to do it too soon though as its a bit too similar, and I'd like to mix things up.
Manuellh: Thank you sir! Always nice to hear from from a fellow beginner.
NightofDay: Appreciate your feedback mate, I'm checking out your columns as I write this, so expect to hear from me again!
The Enigma of Charisma: Thanks for the fantastic idea! I'm trying to work Monty Python into my next column. If it doesn't work out though its definately food for thought.
MyLeeCyrus: Glad you like the gimmick, guess I'll stick with it! Thanks for the comments.
Stryder: Funny you should mention Batista, as I'm in the middle of writing my next column about him! Check it out when its posted over the weekend.

Thanks for reading and responding everyone.

Paul aka Freeman.

[Coolio]

good debut, and i disagree with Show, because i find him being a good face. I'll give Morrison's face turn sometime, but i agree it was a bit rushed, and i do like MVP's face turn, because it fits him well. If they wanted to turn Morrison face they should of sent him to RAW, and let him get revenge on Miz. i'll catch you next time.