The Art of Heel Heat.

[Uncle Joe]

I have a small confession to make, so bear with me here. I'm sure many of you don't know this, but I know Sheepster in real life. No, seriously, no bullshit; I have been acquainted with Sheepy for the better part of 3 years now. I won't go into details into how we became friends, as it is an extremely boring story, but we know each other. We would hang out, er, on average, about thrice a week, hitting up a bunch of conventions and concerts and the like. We once went to a Metallica/Sword outing up in Arrowhead Stadium, out in Kansas City, which was far away for the both of us but the show was too good to pass up. After an uneventful and long road trip to the Mid West, we get there and start to wait on line, for an hour, when we finally get to the booth; I pull out my wallet, and my ticket isn't there. I search my pockets frantically, no; run back to the car and dig through the seats; nope, nothing.




So I walk back to Sheepy, who had actually gotten off the line and waited for me, and told him I had apparently lost the ticket that would grant us entrance to this wonderful venue. Sheepy then reassures me that everything will be fine, and that things have a habit of working their way out. Sheepster and I then reach the booth, and tells the guard of my dilemma, and ask if there was anyway to resolve the situation, and the bouncer said there was. See, the concert had sold out, but they made last minute arrangements for seats, all the way at the top of the stadium. Excitement ensues, then I proceed to hand him my bank card, when I remembered a caviot; I had no money. I spent all of my money on the original ticket, and gas money . . . and food money. I tell Sheepy to enjoy the show, and as I begin to walk away, he pulls on my shirt and brandishes his Visa Card and pays for my ticket.




I tell him that I couldn't possibly allow him to pay for my ticket, and he utters "what are friends for?". I get my ticket and tell him that I'll see him after wards. Man, was I far up, like really far up. Freya starts to blare over the large stadium speakers, and the Sword are rocking out, as I follow suit. At that point in time, I am starving, but am grateful that I can be here, so no complaints from me. A good time is being had, and the opening chord for Orion starts, and the crowd and I go nuts. All of a sudden, I feel a nudge so strong that I was nearly knocked off my feet. Getting ready for a fight, I look over and it's Sheep. Wondering why he was up here i the nosebleeds, he told me that it wasn't so fun rocking alone. The entire concert was insane, with a surprise appearance by Neil Peart, having a drum battle with Lars, and Metallica covering Stacked Actors with Dave Ghrol subbing for James on the mic.




One day, we go out to a friendly dinner, bringing along his sister, flatmate and girlfriend; while I trotted my brother and cousin. We went out to a hibachi, and had a lot of fun. Sheep and my brother head outside for a smoke, when his girlfriend and I start to make conversation while those two are away. A few minutes pass when my brother and Sheepster come back, an.d we all leave. A few days later, I get an email to my phone; I look, and it's Sheepsters girlfriend. Asking how she got my email, she said she rummaged through his emails at his request, and she saw my name and decided to say hi. She then asks me to accompany her to the mall, to pick something out for his birthday and surprise party. I kindly agree, and meet up with her that day. We peruse around the mall, looking at telescopes, blue ray players, cameras, but nothing she wants to get him. We're walking around the lingerie portion and I jokingly said she should buy some lingerie for him as a present, to which she surprisingly agreed.




As she was trying it on, she asked if I could head over there to see how it fits, but I couldn't. She assured me there's no harm in it, and that I did agree to help pick something out, so I begrudgingly look. To my surprise, she was wearing nothing, and asked if I liked. I said I couldn't lie and said 'yes, yes I do', and she then pulls me into the dressing room and proceed to have sex. 3 times. Was I tricked into it? No, of course not; I just wanted to. We would then meet up once every other week for sex dates, and then part ways. When Sheep asked for her hand in marriage and for me to be the best man, she wanted to celebrate by having sex on her roof; with me. To this day, he doesn't know a thing.

This = your mother. Does that make you mad?

Buyer Beware


A vast majority of people are often aggrivated when they are caught up in some reading matireal, when they come across a tipo;' especially when everything was smooth up until that point. A misplaced error can really take one out of there zone of reeding, and can really uninspier people to keep on reading. This is also the case when speaking and not being capable of enunceating words properly, as that can really tend to force people to see you as somthing as a joke, and you'll get a lot of people who fuck with you dering your promos, like chanting 'what?' or 'boring' or 'die Rocky, die'. So be careful when tkaing the time to craft your promos, as the stigma of flubing your lines is a stench that is hard to wash of.





Beginner's Quick Guide


In order for a wrestler to be a proper heel (bad guy), he must accumulate crowd heat (boos and ill will), and be able to garner it; the best ones can get it as they please. There are a multitude of ways to get heat, but you don't want to catch heat. See, if you get heat, you can always lose it when you are required to turn back into a face (good guy); but when you catch heat, you are hated on an actual level (X=Pac heat). There are a few patented ways to get heat, some of which are:





-the tried and true formula of disregarding the locals.


Someone coming into your home, and insulting your wife, family and friends is infuriating, and thus is the basis for the most common attempts at garnering heat. Performing in Boston and need some quick boos? Mention the Bruins owner being the best owner in hockey; Harvard Square being the faggot hangout, or that the band Boston sucks. In Kalamazoo? The Coyotes of the FFL are beloved there, so try that.





-Или вы могли бы пойти иностранные маршрут.


Американцы горько и расистские лица по своей природе, поэтому мы часто вынуждены бу тех, кто не является американской, и в еще большей степени, когда они выставляют напоказ свое наследие. Железный Шейх, La сопротивления, Mounties, команда Канады, Харт фонда (около 98 ') являются классическими примерами борцы разных национальностей не только время ненавидели, но, будучи доминирующим. Но надо быть осторожным так как это может иметь негативные последствия для вас и оказаться огромные толпы любимой, как это было в случае с Kaientai. Она также помогает, если вы что-то в другом языке, заставляя читателя выйти из их способ найти переводчика, именно так они могут читать то, что вы написали. Я уверена, что она будет работать достаточно хорошо
(Evil)





- Nonchalance

Great way of getting heat, but not everyone can pull it off. As sick as he was, Jake Roberts was great at not giving a fuck. He would say what he wanted. was very efficient with the words he used, but gave off an aura that he could care less about what we thought of him. You may think this is basic allegory, but look at heels through the last decade, and you'll see that this facet of their personalities is sorely missing.




-use facts


This another way of achieving the desired amount of heat. Guys such as Chris Jericho excel in this. This requires a bit of sharp wit, quick observational skills and a bit of homework. You must sound intelligent, and it helps if you use facts; like the state/city rank in crime/rape/larceny/theft/etc; point out the ugly kid with the AFI haircut in the front row, and make a funny yet stabbing comment about that elderly woman in the upper tier. Remember, just as the nonchalance route, this is not as easy as it sounds and will require many many months, possibly years of practice.




- Closure


A sparingly used and sometimes effective method. Never give them closure, it works. We all want an ending; whether it be happy, sad, comical; whatever the case my be, but we just want

[Glacier]

You son of a bitch.

Sleeping with Sheepy's wife like that.

And telling him through column.

You're really good at telling stories though. You give the atmosphere of believability into it and then at the end take all of it away and punch us in the face with the falseness. Which is a good way to garner heat.

good column Gohan. You fucking machine you.

[FutureDonkey]

You just told me in a PM that you don't get how you could have possibly won three CotM awards... dude, this is why.


When I read your opening part all along I knew that it must somehow tie in with getting heel heat and the like and then boom, it hit me just like that at the end of your story. That's why you win shit.


You then produced a cow picture. Instant heel heat; a local criticism. Immediately after that, you went through a non-lengthy list of the many different qualities that a heel should possess and develop as far as he can; and you did all of this in a fun, interesting way. Truth be told, this whole column lived and breathed heel heat; for example, did you know that I copied and pasted your jibber jabber (EVIL) to the reply thingy and then proceeded to translate it to Arial Narrow, only to discover that it didn't translate shit (I just realized that I can take it to Word and fix all of my problems) and I was fucking pissed at you. Heel heat.


That's why you win shit and bang female sheep.


EDIT: Fuck. It just hit me why you didn't finish your last sentence. Don't die, man; there is no-one here today who could fill your shoes and I doubt if there ever will be.


EDIT EDIT: I tried to translate it on Word, since I knew what typeset it was, but I couldn't, because it was done in the actual fucking language, not in some cheap-ass M$ typeset. Whether you go to heaven or hell, I hope you get raped in the ass repeatedly.

[CoLD]

Real Nice. So nice I thought you fucked up my phone.

Unless you translate that shit I doubt too many people will figure it out.

[cicero]

I dread to think of how some might react to the tale.


On that subject though; awesome. I still felt bad for Sheepster, pointless though it was to do so.


The listed items were unnecessary though and could have just aswell been all incorporated into the story (i.e. to represent the evil foreigner you [the american] could have been sneaking off to Wales [the UK] to sleep with the welsh boys welsh girlfriend in a feteshistic nod to the promiscuous actions of the UK based American GI's of the second World War).





edit- just remembered; obviously the cyrillic text was a playful and intelligent way of getting your point across but in future if and when you have large blocks of foreign text your as well as hotlinking it to babel fish or the like.

[Super Chrisss]

I think the most important thing that must be asked was DID THIS SHIT REALLY HAPPEN?! You and sheepster rocking out like buddies, and you fucking his girl THREE times at a mall? If so, then that is hilarious.

I love how the opening "tale" had such a random (yet accurate) connection to the main column. I thought the strongest point you made was how wrestlers flubbing their lines can generate as much heat as people in the forums who typo alot. Well said.

Another A+ effort Joe.

[Freeman]

Ha! Super stuff Joe. As good as your last one in almost every aspect; humour, build up and creativity were all top notch. Your output level is also really impressive at the moment man, more often than not your columns are of a very good standard and delivered within days of each other. Good job dude.

[kaos]

"-Или вы могли бы пойти иностранные маршрут.


Американцы горько и расистские лица по своей природе, поэтому мы часто вынуждены бу тех, кто не является американской, и в еще большей степени, когда они выставляют напоказ свое наследие. Железный Шейх, La сопротивления, Mounties, команда Канады, Харт фонда (около 98 ') являются классическими примерами борцы разных национальностей не только время ненавидели, но, будучи доминирующим. Но надо быть осторожным так как это может иметь негативные последствия для вас и оказаться огромные толпы любимой, как это было в случае с Kaientai. Она также помогает, если вы что-то в другом языке, заставляя читателя выйти из их способ найти переводчика, именно так они могут читать то, что вы написали. Я уверена, что она будет работать достаточно хорошо
(Evil)"

I seriously thought you were a dick for doing that. I then realised what you actually done lol. Nice stuff

[Lazyking]

I give to you the COTM winner of October, UnC joe.

Great stuff again.

[Tony Starx]

You and your shit. Bastard.

[Prince-Jigsaw]

At first I was reading this like "What the fuck does this have to do with wrestling?" The Columns Forum Rulebook states that all columns must be about wrestling, and I see several week after week that don't comply with that rule. I should have known that you would be different.

Three cheers for fucking Sheep's hopefully hot girlfriend. Four cheers for this amazing column, and making it relevant to my grateful surprise. I will continue to read your greatness, so keep them coming.

[Uncle Joe]

Originally Posted by Glacier

You son of a bitch.

Sleeping with Sheepy's wife like that.

And telling him through column.

You're really good at telling stories though. You give the atmosphere of believability into it and then at the end take all of it away and punch us in the face with the falseness. Which is a good way to garner heat.

good column Gohan. You fucking machine you.

Im gonna punch you in the face IRL, fag.

Originally Posted by FutureDonkey

You just told me in a PM that you don't get how you could have possibly won three CotM awards... dude, this is why.


When I read your opening part all along I knew that it must somehow tie in with getting heel heat and the like and then boom, it hit me just like that at the end of your story. That's why you win shit.


You then produced a cow picture. Instant heel heat; a local criticism. Immediately after that, you went through a non-lengthy list of the many different qualities that a heel should possess and develop as far as he can; and you did all of this in a fun, interesting way. Truth be told, this whole column lived and breathed heel heat; for example, did you know that I copied and pasted your jibber jabber (EVIL) to the reply thingy and then proceeded to translate it to Arial Narrow, only to discover that it didn't translate shit (I just realized that I can take it to Word and fix all of my problems) and I was fucking pissed at you. Heel heat.


That's why you win shit and bang female sheep.


EDIT: Fuck. It just hit me why you didn't finish your last sentence. Don't die, man; there is no-one here today who could fill your shoes and I doubt if there ever will be.


EDIT EDIT: I tried to translate it on Word, since I knew what typeset it was, but I couldn't, because it was done in the actual fucking language, not in some cheap-ass M$ typeset. Whether you go to heaven or hell, I hope you get raped in the ass repeatedly.

LOLOLOLOL.

Originally Posted by CoLD

Real Nice. So nice I thought you fucked up my phone.

Unless you translate that shit I doubt too many people will figure it out.

I think theyll figure it out.

Originally Posted by cicero

I dread to think of how some might react to the tale.


On that subject though; awesome. I still felt bad for Sheepster, pointless though it was to do so.


The listed items were unnecessary though and could have just aswell been all incorporated into the story (i.e. to represent the evil foreigner you [the american] could have been sneaking off to Wales [the UK] to sleep with the welsh boys welsh girlfriend in a feteshistic nod to the promiscuous actions of the UK based American GI's of the second World War).





edit- just remembered; obviously the cyrillic text was a playful and intelligent way of getting your point across but in future if and when you have large blocks of foreign text your as well as hotlinking it to babel fish or the like.

I wrote it in Russian. They can always use dictionary.com though.

Originally Posted by Super Chrisss

I think the most important thing that must be asked was DID THIS SHIT REALLY HAPPEN?! You and sheepster rocking out like buddies, and you fucking his girl THREE times at a mall? If so, then that is hilarious.

I love how the opening "tale" had such a random (yet accurate) connection to the main column. I thought the strongest point you made was how wrestlers flubbing their lines can generate as much heat as people in the forums who typo alot. Well said.

Another A+ effort Joe.

Never, and who is Sheepster?

Originally Posted by Freeman

Ha! Super stuff Joe. As good as your last one in almost every aspect; humour, build up and creativity were all top notch. Your output level is also really impressive at the moment man, more often than not your columns are of a very good standard and delivered within days of each other. Good job dude.

Thanks dude, enjoy the compliment.

Originally Posted by kaos

"-Или вы могли бы пойти иностранные маршрут.


Американцы горько и расистские лица по своей природе, поэтому мы часто вынуждены бу тех, кто не является американской, и в еще большей степени, когда они выставляют напоказ свое наследие. Железный Шейх, La сопротивления, Mounties, команда Канады, Харт фонда (около 98 ') являются классическими примерами борцы разных национальностей не только время ненавидели, но, будучи доминирующим. Но надо быть осторожным так как это может иметь негативные последствия для вас и оказаться огромные толпы любимой, как это было в случае с Kaientai. Она также помогает, если вы что-то в другом языке, заставляя читателя выйти из их способ найти переводчика, именно так они могут читать то, что вы написали. Я уверена, что она будет работать достаточно хорошо
(Evil)"

I seriously thought you were a dick for doing that. I then realised what you actually done lol. Nice stuff

Thanks man. I think I may be on your side concerning Jay Z now.

Originally Posted by Lazyking

I give to you the COTM winner of October, UnC joe.

Great stuff again.

What is this COTM you people are talking aout?

Originally Posted by Tony Starx

You and your shit. Bastard.

Your mother

At first I was reading this like "What the fuck does this have to do with wrestling?" The Columns Forum Rulebook states that all columns must be about wrestling, and I see several week after week that don't comply with that rule. I should have known that you would be different.

Three cheers for fucking Sheep's hopefully hot girlfriend. Four cheers for this amazing column, and making it relevant to my grateful surprise. I will continue to read your greatness, so keep them coming.

That is the greatest thing ever. I needed a crown.

[doublehelix]

I wish I were like you and could work up the energy to actually write things. Good things!

[OniBarubary]

I legit laughed out loud at the messing up your promos part.

A deeper exploration of heel heat could be fantastic, but then again I'm a bit more analytical then narrative. So it worked for you fine.